tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have fence marks all over my body
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
