I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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