He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
