woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
