...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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