I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
