Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
