I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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