More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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