Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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