Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Operation Purity has been aborted
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
