New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
