And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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