Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
