Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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