Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
