I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
