it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
