who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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