Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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