The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
