She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
