biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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