This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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