My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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