i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
