too bad you live with your parents still
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
