We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
