is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
