I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
North Korea, Best Korea!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
