at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
