It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
