he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it was like eating out sand paper
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
