Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
