So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
