Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
