goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The adults are the big ones right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
