Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
