she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
