Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
