the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
