the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize