I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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