Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
