On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
