Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
