you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
