Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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