I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
