hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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