How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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