I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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